So I’m out camping tonight. By myself. I was thinking today, as I was running around town getting ready to do this, how much confidence I have gained since I started this journey. How much more independent I feel. How much more I LIKE myself. And it’s a really awesome feeling.
Tonight, when I pulled into the campground, there were these two guys ahead of me trying to register and get their cash together. I could tell they were searching for a pen to use. Instead of hiding in my car waiting until they went away so they wouldn’t see how far I am, I got out, and asked if they needed to borrow mine.
I voluntarily spoke to strange guys I didn’t know. And I didn’t feel self-conscious or like I was being judged. That is how much my confidence has grown.
It really feels amazing…I feel more comfortable and confident in myself than I did at 22 when my body was banging. Maybe part of that is working through the mental stuff I have, but I think a large part of it has to do with knowing who I am and knowing I can be whatever kind of person I WANT to be. It’s a choice. And I’m choosing to live my life on my own terms. Maybe for the first time ever.
The realization makes me want to start taking care of myself better. Makes me want to start feeding my body better. Because if I feel this good NOW its only going to grow exponentially as I lose more and more weight.
Tomorrow I am going to try to do another 10-mile hike out on the Maah Daah Hey. Alone. Just me and Bug. No cousin here to encourage me. That’s how much my confidence has grown, even since November.
I’ve got this.